...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize