Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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