Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
