He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
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