I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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