I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
