I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
