i'm signing you up for texting rehab
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
