I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
