I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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