I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize