Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
