I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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