It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
