By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
