I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Randomize
