1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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