I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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