Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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