I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My pussy is not your playground.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
