Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
