Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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