I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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