Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
