i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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