You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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