highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
