One girl and one boy is just not enough.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
