dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
