Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
