I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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