I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
