This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
