i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize