So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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