that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
All the doctor said was why
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
