I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Sober January is a disaster.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize