sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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