This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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