like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
