If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
