i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
