There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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