i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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