does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
