i just had sex bonerless
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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