No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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