Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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