Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
