i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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