I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
