Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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