So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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