Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
