it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
