Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
