Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I made him laugh his dick is mine
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
