facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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