K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
