I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
