Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize