It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
