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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
