She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
