this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize