..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize