and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
