Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
