...so i touched it.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Come on in and take your pants off
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