He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
