I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
