she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize