I wish I could teleport
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We were destined to go to rehab together
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Randomize
