Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
