I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
