he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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