Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
